Do you ever feel like you are trying so hard to stay calm? Happy? Positive? In your mind, you are totally focused on being the type of mom and wife that has a happy, healthy family.
But the day is wearing on your face; your mind keeps drifting off to the stress from the day.
Someone was rude at work.
You spilt coffee on your new pants.
Someone took your spot at the grocery store.
Now, the mood has followed you to the dinner table. You’re fighting the urge to snap at your husband and you just want your kids to give you peace and quiet. Before you close your eyes for the night, you are asking yourself, this concept of a “happy, healthy family”- can stressed moms even have one?
The short answer is yes. You can. And you will.
But how to make a happy home is a bit of a longer answer!
How to Make a Happy Home
I often get asked if I ever fight with my husband, loose my temper with my children or get angry in general, and to be honest, no. I rarely do. At least not anymore.
Like you, I’m a busy woman. I am a full-time working mom and have two small children. I have a side business, in addition to my career, and a marriage I intend on keeping a main priority.
Before I share with you how you can make progress towards being a happy, healthy family, I need you to know something.
Having a happy healthy family actually starts with you. Never underestimate the influence a mother has over her home.
Where you put your attention, they will follow. Therefore, I encourage you to start applying these things to yourself first. I can only share with you my own transformation and trust me when I say it works. I’ve lived it and am reaping the rewards from it. And now I’m excited to share with you, my secrets to a happy family:
What Are You Thankful For Today?
I express gratitude.
Each and every day I focus on what I am grateful for, and now so does my family. Yes, we are thankful for the big things like our health, but we focus on the things that we find in each day.
My favorite fluffy pink bath robe, a clean kitchen, no one in line at the grocery store. Things as small as these are teaching my brain to look for the good, not the bad. This is important because our mind is growing its ‘muscles’ around this and it’s taught me to not internalize the ‘bad’ things and let them ruin my entire day.
Each night we share what we are grateful for over dinner. By teaching our children to express gratitude each day they are creating a strong foundation for a healthy life skill that will last them a lifetime!
Stop Being a Control Freak, Seriously Stop It!
I have relinquished control.
Emotions, schedules, change of plans, the weather, all of it. Accept it, find the good in the situation and adjust accordingly. Especially with children, this step has been HUGE for my own personal happiness (and sanity).
Therefore, the more I’ve relinquished my need to control everything AND everyone else’s emotions, the more I have been able to be intentional with my response. Which means less negative reactions on my part- everyone definitely benefits from that!
We still address our children’s behavior, but we do not react to it. It isn’t my job to tell them how to feel. My job is to give them the life skills so the have the ability to work through their emotions in a healthy way.
This also means that I let my kids decide who they want to be, what they like etc. and we usually don’t fight over stuff like which shoes need to be worn. As a result, I think we’ve done a pretty good job in raising happy kids!
Language DOES Matter, And I’m Not Talking About Curse Words!
I am conscious of the language I use.
“Intentional Language addresses behavior, but it also asks questions that speak directly to the other person’s Core Intentions. Intentional language keeps a person in the conversation, it pulls them in rather than pushing them away. The choice of words is crucial. The result is an immediate & dramatic change in the way other’s listen and behave.”- Sitaylor
It was a challenge at first to start switching over to intentional language, but with time and focused energy on this, it will get easier. Print reminders like this off and tape it to the fridge!
Language is such a powerful way to create a happy, healthy family!
Don’t Make Up Stories Anymore
I am responsible for seeking (and responding) only to truth.
Ever find yourself frustrated or maybe nervous about something? You start playing the conversation or situation over and over in your head. Before you know it, you’ve got emotions raging around that are tied to this movie you’ve completely made up in your head.
You are fired up and defensive even though you haven’t actually experienced the conversation yet. Doesn’t matter what they have to say at this point, you’ve already created the story and you find yourself ready to react to it.
Acknowledging that you are responsible to only seek and respond to truth is so important to avoid the wasted energy on situations like this. Assumptions don’t belong anywhere. Especially if they are not positive assumptions. Focusing on the truth will promote open communication and force you to be honest with yourself! Therefore, you will focus more on people’s intentions. I swear this is what makes a happy marriage too!
Take a Step Back and Do It Often
I rarely take things at face value anymore.
It is really easy for something to be done or said, and to instantly want to react because we often interpret what is in front of us as something directly happening to us.
Learning to look beyond what is immediately happening has allowed me to separate my reaction from the person/situation in front of me.
By looking past what is happening, I’m able to pause, take a deep breath and not make things bigger than they need to be. For instance, if my toddler is acting out I might recognize that we’ve over done it while out running errands. He isn’t acting out because he is a bad kid or wants to disrupt my day. No need to get huffy and take it personal!
He just needs a snack or some time to be free and act like a toddler. And, I leave it at that. Once you refrain from snapping back in these moments or you will be one step closer to a happy, healthy home!
Or the next time something irritating at work happens, ask yourself if you really think that your co-worker woke up that morning and said to themselves, “you know what sounds fun today, I’m going to ruin her day”?
No, odds are they didn’t. So take a step back, and stop taking things at face value. You will feel so free when you start doing this because you won’t let these little things bother you anymore.
Stop Expecting Things
I don’t expect anything, from anyone.
Learning to stop expecting things from other people, including my family, has been freeing. Taking responsibility for my own feelings, thoughts, emotions etc. has been a surprising lesson.
Often times we look to our family for our happiness or health decisions. The moment you start expecting things from other people is when you start sliding down a slippery slope headed to a big cliff called resentment.
Unmet expectations lead to bad feelings, my friend. Let go of those expectations that you have and start looking at yourself, that is where the real power for happiness lives.
Relationship with God
Maybe it isn’t a relationship with God for you, but whatever/whoever it is, if you want a happy healthy home, it is important to focus on deepening your spiritual connection.
Do this step and peace, joy and love will RADIATE off you! OK, that sounded super 1970’s like I should be wearing a fringe jacket with a peace-sign patch but in all seriousness, it works!!
For me, the more I have taken quiet time each and every day to connect with God, the better of a mom and wife I’ve become. I’ve learned to see things for what they really are, to have more empathy and a servant’s heart. It has helped me be successful with the steps above!
Trying to find time for self-care is a challenge as a Mom, but it is doable! If you want to take steps to strengthening your relationship with God but aren’t exactly sure where to begin, check out how I got started here.
What is a Happy Healthy Family?
So, we aren’t perfect. However, I do feel confident that my family is a lot happier when we walk with God regularly, focus on being responsible for our own actions/reactions and show gratitude daily.
Secondly, it feels good to be raising my kids in a home with minimal outbursts, frustration or blame. We are all learning to pause, take a deep breath and be intentional about how we see the world.
Creating a happy family begins with you so I want to say cheers to you!!
Just reading this is going to help raise your level of awareness and you are one step closer to becoming a happy healthy family; the one you were created to be.
