How to raise a happy kid the question every mom on this planet asks herself. Ever look over at a restaurant and see that family that just seems happy? You can’t exactly place it but there is a glow of happiness coming from their direction. And you think to yourself, how? Now, I am not talking about perfect kids. I’m not talking about defining happy children because of their ability to be well-behaved, in my opinion, you can have a well-behaved child that isn’t really happy. Of course we all want to have happy AND perfectly, well behaved children but let’s be honest, they are children! How to a raise happy kid is a question I think most of us moms have asked ourselves, and I am here to tell you it is totally within reach!
As a type-A recovering perfectionist, I was a tad anxious at what becoming a mother would look like. I mean, let’s just be honest here for a minute. One day you are in complete and total control of your life, your home, your time and then BOOM! Motherhood. You no longer feel like you have control of anything. While I didn’t know what motherhood would look like, I did know that I wanted to make sure I raised my children to be happy and independent kids! So, while I may not be a scholar in childhood expert I AM a super busy, full-time working mom who is always asking herself if her behaviors and parenting approach is yielding happy kids. Well, after a few years of being in my motherhood journey, here is my experience in how to raise happy kids!
A Happy Kid Through Positive Affirmations
How often do you catch yourself thinking negative or doubtful thoughts? Start reflecting on your thoughts before you go to sleep. If you are anything like me, you will be shocked at how much doubtful and negative self-talk slips in each day.
Helping our children learn positive affirmations at a young age will help them grow to be self-loving adults-who won’t have to deal with relearning positive self-talk/thoughts!
Positive affirmations for children do not have to be anything complicated! Affirmations are such a powerful tool to helping your child feel their best:
- I am helpful!
- I have a positive attitude!
- I stick with things and don’t give up easily!
- I can learn anything!
- I am loved!
Start incorporating affirmations like this every day and watch your child respond in the best way! Don’t worry, there is help for other mamas too because Self-doubt has no place in a happy mom! Words from one self-doubting mom to another!
How to Handle A Toddler Tantrum
Some may call them tantrums, outburst or maybe even worse… but for us, we just recognize that our kids are going to have bad days just like you and I have. With this in mind, it is important to ask yourself: Are you reacting or responding? What does this have to do with raising happy kids? Well think about how you feel in these situations:
Reacting looks like just that, a reaction. You snip, loose your temper or go quick to timeout when you are in a reactive mode. Telling your kid to wear the clothes you picked out instead of hearing why they want something different or pausing to include them into the activity. You might often feel like you’re in the “go to timeout” threaten mode often!
Responding means you take a second to think- maybe your toddler hasn’t napped well? Needs a snack? Maybe if you are feeling tired and overwhelmed/overstimulated-they are too! Looking for the why behind the bad day/moment is only going to benefit everyone involved.
I have had to really be intentional on this one because were humans after all, and there are some days where work was extra hard and the kids are extra needy and we have to run errands and so on. But at the end of the day it is my job as their mom to help them learn healthy skills for their future and that means I try and respond, not react.
To learn even more helpful tips on dealing with toddler tantrums and understand what is going on in their brains during one, check out How to Stop Temper Tantrums From Ruining Your Family.
Reacting or Responding?
For instance, there are times of being too loud at a restaurant, not sharing at a playdate and probably even a little pushing at the pumpkin patch when another toddler cuts in line to see the Llamas (can you tell I’m speaking from experience here 😉). Just like the next amazing mom, I’m totally mortified during moments like this.
But, instead of reacting with a punishment, I make it a priority to take a deep breath, kneel down to their level so we are talking face to face and talk calmly. I use these situation as teachable moments because my goal is to improve my toddler’s behavior for the long haul! Not to mention, instead of feeling like they are bad, I use these moment to help build them up and help them recognize they are capable of handling their emotions properly (insert a positive affirmation!).
Teach Kids How To Be Independent
As much as we like to think we are raising mini versions of ourselves, God designed our children to be perfectly unique. It is important that we let them take the lead in becoming that person, gaining independence, instead of trying to mold them to be exactly what we want.
Let them begin to make decisions that won’t hurt anyone. What snack do they want? What shoes do they want to wear? Let them pick out their outfit for the day. If your child is anything like mine, you will most likely get odd looks when your kid decides flower rainboots and a unicorn dress is the best outfit ever. But its been my experience that these things make her so happy! And she is proud of herself for conquering the task at hand that she set out to do. No better way to ensure you will have happy children by teaching them how to be independent and giving them opportunities to feel proud of themselves!
I’m a firm believer that if you focus on how to raise happy kids, you will also get an and an independent kid! I’ve seen my children flourish when I set up space for them to practice physical independence too! There are lots of ideas for setting up an independent bedroom or play room and I highly recommend getting a learning tower for your kitchen!!
If we want to raise happy and independent kids then we need to allow them the opportunity to build the skillsets to get there
Teach Kids Gratitude
About 6 months ago I decided to start practicing daily gratitude. A few days into it I realized this was absolutely something I should be including my entire family in! One gratitude study found that a one-time act of thoughtful gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and 35% reduction in depressive symptoms!
As a result, each day we go around, often at dinner time, and ask “what are you happy for today?”. It is good practice for myself, my husband and even my toddler loves it! Without fail, every night “daddy what you thankful today” comes out of her mouth and it lets me know, I’m not the right path to raising happy children.
Be a Present Mom
Being a present mom can mean different things to different moms but for me, it’s pretty simple. When it is time to be with them, be with THEM. No phones, no mind drifting off to work stuff or anything else. 100% attention, both physically AND mentally goes to your children. Plus, if you are distracted by something stressful, a game of chase will have you forgetting all about it!
I’ve really had to watch this myself and hold myself accountable when I wasn’t being a present mom. I could really notice a difference in my kids if I was on my phone or trying to do something when I got home from work instead of dropping to the floor with them to play. Being a full-time working mom brings me a lot of joy, but I am outside of the home 8 hours a day so I need to make sure that when I get home, it’s just me and the kids. Their joyful faces tell me that being a present mom is one of the easiest ways to raise happy kids!
Parent Consistently
Parenting philosophy, do you have one? What is your vision for how you and Dad handle things? Maybe you’ve never thought you needed one, I totally get that! But you do need one 😊. Determining your parenting philosophy doesn’t have to be long and drawn out, we aren’t aiming to right a novel here-we just want to make sure that the main caretakers of a child are on the same page!
There are a few main philosophies (permissive, authoritarian, authoritative, and hands-off) and we’ve taken a few principles from each! For us, we would rather pull out tools from a toolbox depending on each situation. But because we’ve talked about how we want to handle these different behaviors we are able to provide our children with consistency so they always know what to expect!
Activities for Each Development Stage
If you want to raise a happy kid and independent kids? Let them move! And then, let them move some more!
“At this period of his activity the child is a great walker, in need of long walks, and adults insist on carrying him…so the poor child can walk only in imagination. He cannot walk — they carry him; he cannot work — they do it for him.”
Maria Montessori, Education for a New World
Since having little ones, I have really had to curb my expectations to match their development stage. In fact, the more I learned what to expect in each development stage, the less stressed and reactive I was and the more I was able to be respond appropriately.
For instance, is your 2-year-old trying to get up an hour into dinner at a restaurant? Well, yes that is because they are only 2 and movement is important for them. 9 month-old keeps dropping his for on the floor? Yep, been there! What a fun game they think they are playing. Go with the flow, interact with them in a way that still helps them grow and learn. Try and not take it personal when you’ve told them to stop 11 times and they still don’t get it, they aren’t doing it because of you-they’re just little people trying to learn the world the way they were designed to!
My infant responds, communicates and needs different things than my toddler does, and it was MY job to know and understand that, not theirs. They are just being how they are designed to learn at each stage and fostering this, instead of fighting it will help the whole family. This approach has helped me be a responsive mom, not a reactive mom.
Be A Happy Mom
What good is it raise a happy kid, without a happy mom? Raising happy children shouldn’t be at the sacrifice of you getting to be a happy mom. It is important to make sure you are focused on you too- self-care, prioritizing your needs and remembering to rest when you need it are all elements to creating a happy mom.
Finding time to connect with your kids on busy days is hard enough, finding time for self-care might seem impossible! But you MUST find it :). You can’t pour from an empty cup and there are many ways you can start to incorporate self-care, even if it means drinking coffee in peace and quite.
You deserve it, Mama!
How to Raise A Happy Kid (and Independent)!
So, there you have it, a few new ideas you can easily begin to incorporate on your journey to raise happy kids! You don’t have to start doing all of these at once. Change is hard and I’m a big fan of being realistic. Pick 1 or 2 things you can start today and then incorporate another idea a few weeks from now once you’ve had time to get used to the first changes. I’m 3 years into my journey and as my kids hit new development stages, I’m having to adjust my approach and learn new routines myself!
At the end of the day, we are responsible for raising the next generation and I want to raise a happy kid…the future depends on it!
Don’t forget to share one thing you are thankful for in the comments below and Pin this to your favorite board!
