Wondering how you can stop temper tantrums from ruining your family? First off, hugs to you Mama! Just the fact that you’ve landed on this article tells me you deserve a hug-tantrums are not easy to deal with and can often leave us feeling discouraged.
Maybe you had the best of intent but slipped and lost your temper. Maybe you find yourself getting into an argument with your spouse about how to deal with temper tantrums. How to stop temper tantrums is a challenging topic to deal with and hit close to home for many parents. One of the most important things I have done to help me navigate these challenges is learn a little bit more about how the brain is working during these situations which has helped me to determine how best to handle, and not handle, temper tantrums in toddlers.
Brain Activity During a Toddler Tantrum
Did you know that children have a large amount of mirror neurons? Mirror neurons help shape behavior by modeling after what they see.
Basically, our children are watching us and their brain is learning how to model our behavior. Our children are listening, they are observing constantly, and their filter isn’t developed yet. This makes children very suggestable to information so what they are observing (remember, mirror neurons) is going to become the foundation of their identity! Which leads me to one of my favorite parenting quotes:
While understanding the science of the brain at this age isn’t going to answer all of your questions for how to deal with temper tantrums but I do hope that it will allow you to take a step back, separate your own emotions from the situation and be able to approach the meltdown in a way that makes you feel good about it!
What Triggers A Toddler Tantrum?
Things are going pretty well and then it hits… the dreaded temper tantrums!
Kicking, screaming, tears and endless whining.
Whether it is one of these or all of them, when a tantrum strikes, it is a miserable experience for all of us. It is frustrating, you feel helpless as a parent and quite frankly, it is embarrassing.
Temper tantrums in toddlers generally peak between the ages of 1 and 3. And while there is not 1 single thing that will trigger a tantrum, these situations are often the culprits:
- Tired
- Hungry
- Scared
- Not getting their way
- Frustrated with whatever challenge they are facing at that moment
- Uncomfortable (hot, cold, clothing/shoes etc.)
Believe it or not, a temper tantrums in toddlers is actually their way of communicating needs as their language skills are still under development. As language skills are further developed and they learn how to gain better self-control, these meltdowns will generally go away.
Therefore, it is really important to remember this: Your toddler is not doing anything intentionally to frustrate you, they simply are communicating in the way they know how.
How NOT to Handle Toddler Tantrums
So, before we dive into how to deal with temper tantrums, let’s review what not to do 😊.
- Threaten. Threatening a toddler during a temper tantrum is the exact opposite of what you want to do. I get it; it is really tempting to say “if you don’t stop right now XYZ”! And sometimes it even get’s you your desired outcome, the meltdown stops. However, this is not giving them an opportunity to learn the behaviors they need in life. As a result, we don’t want their mirror neurons learning this type of behavior.
- Give in. So giving into temper tantrums in toddlers will actually show them that this type of behavior is behavior that gets rewarded. Unless you want to end up with 5 year old temper tantrums I suggest you avoid doing this as well.
- Negotiate. “If you stop we will XYZ”. Add this phrase to the ‘do not say list’ in your mental file for how to deal with temper tantrums 😉 . Instead of negotiating, consider simple distraction instead.
- Get frustrated. Monkey see, monkey do. It is our job to help them stay calm and ride the tantrum wave. As a result, take a deep breath and hold the line with showing your frustration during these moments. In other words, remember they are not doing this to you. So, try and separate yourself from that kind of thinking and it will help keep you from getting as frustrated.
- Rationalize With Them. When any of us our emotional, we just want to be left alone. There is nothing you can say that will have a higher impact to their nervous system than the current emotion they are experiencing so it essentially is a useless technique. Save the conversation for later once everyone has calmed down.
How to Deal with Temper Tantrums: Physical Activity
Temper tantrums in toddlers are challenging, but as a parent our main goal is to help them get passed this emotional state (temper tantrum).
You can do this a few different ways! For instance, one of my favorite techniques is through physical movement! These types of activities are centered around shortening their refractory period.
- Trampoline
- Movement Games
- Movement Songs
All of the above are great ways to help your toddler move past their meltdown! For instance, 10 minutes after an activity like these and you child will usually be well past their temper tantrums!
4 Other Ways to Handle Temper Tantrums in Toddlers
So, if you don’t want your toddler to be jumping like a frog or running in place like a cheetah in the middle of target (trust me, I’ve been there and people like to stare) consider using one of the techniques to address the toddler tantrum:
- Distraction has been a pretty successful technique for my older child but isn’t quite as successful for the 1 year old tantrums I’ve had to navigate with my youngest. “I’m thinking of a character” is one of the best way’s I’ve found to distract my oldest. For instance, I’ll start describing a Disney princess and she will happily jump right into the game, often asking if she can describe the next character for me to guess.
- Certainly watching for early signs is a great way to help prevent temper tantrums! Each child may have a different trigger, some respond better to being hungry than others. Knowing the early warning signs allows you to be prepared and play offensively! For instance, if you child hasn’t napped, consider if it is worth the fight of making them or if this is one where you just might need to let it go for a day.
- Being prepared with snacks, water, games/books etc. is always helpful. I’m not saying to pull out candy during a meltdown but if you know you are heading into a situation that may be high risk for a meltdown, having a bag prepared with alternative distractions and healthy snack options will be worth it.
- Give them control whenever possible. This is a huge part of my parenting philosophy and has really helped me to raise happy kids!!
How to Stop Temper Tantrums
Temper tantrums in toddlers are frustrating and as a result they can leave parents short tempered and stressed! But don’t forget that it can also leave our little ones feeling stressed and once the storm has passed, it is important to give them a hug and make sure they know they are still very loved!
Learning how to deal with temper tantrums can be tricky, but it is a necessary learning if we want to be able to limit the impact that these outbursts have on our family. Every Mom deserves a happy home
So, now that you’ve learned a little bit about what is going on in the brain, how to stop temper tantrums and how not to handle one, I hope that you feel a little more prepared to navigate through the next one!
In the heat of the tantrum, you are going to want this article close by so don’t forget to Pin it to your favorite board!
