I know, I know- you read the title “low self esteem symptoms” and you think that this post isn’t for you.
Well, I feel pretty confident that this post is going to give you a lot to think about whether you see yourself has having opportunity to grow in the self esteem world or not.
So, before we dive into talking about what low self esteem symptoms look like as an adult and how to help you grow past them, I think it is important you know why I am writing about this.
Low self esteem symptoms are often so deeply rooted inside of us that they can be hard to recognize.
I realized that self esteem is actually part of what causes your bad moment to turn into a bad day, a disagreement with your husband to turn into a full on argument and the real reason you haven’t actually been able to accomplish that goal you’ve been thinking about lately (hint: it isn’t because you keep telling yourself you “don’t have time”).
If any of those situations sounds familiar, then keep reading.
My goal here is to help you identify these hidden symptoms in your life so you can overcome them and get one step closer to being free from these invisible handcuffs that are preventing you from really living out your best life!
Ready to dive in?
Perfect, here we go.
Low Self Esteem Symptoms
“Low self esteem is not your fault”.
I think I lost track at how many times I read this statement as I sat down to do a little bit of research to write this message to you.
To be honest, I think it’s actually not a true statement.
Having low self esteem isn’t your fault in the sense that you can’t control your childhood or a hyper critical teacher growing up, which may have led you to feeling the way you do today.
Or maybe you are like me, a 3 on the Enneagram test so you tend to place way too much value on approval.
But in reality, you and I are totally guilty of low self esteem if we choose to unpack our bag and settle in at low-self-esteem-ville for the rest of our life.
Recognizing Low Self Esteem Symptoms
To be fair, I didn’t see these things as being related to self esteem until recently .
But the more I began to understand confidence and how to actual grow past my own comfort zone, the more obvious it was to me:
Overthinking
Afraid to take risks
Critical of self
Doubtful
People pleaser
Constant nagging of never enoughness
All of that routes back to confidence and self esteem. At least that’s what I found in my journey through this little thing called Motherhood and achieving goals.
And I have a sneaking suspicion yours will tell you the same thing.
Embarking On Change
How many of those things sound familiar to you in your life?
Have you ever thought that they might be tied to self esteem?
I never would have thought of myself as a person who needed to address self esteem but I suppose that is why most goals are right outside of our comfort zone, right?!
We all have a different story but to really get passed all this junk holding you back (like these low self esteem symptoms), you need to look inward and start to figure this out or you will never grow past it.
Your spouse needs you to grow past it, your children need you to grow past it and most importantly, your future self needs you to grow past it.
As a child who wanted nothing more than to grow up and be “normal” to offset the colorful nature of her childhood, the need for approval and fear of making the wrong decision ran deep.
Let me tell you, it is a BREATH OF FRESH AIR to understand this about myself now because knowing it has allowed me to change and move past these things that have been holding me back.
You can’t fix something you don’t understand.
You can’t understand something you don’t recognize.
You can’t recognize something if you don’t know where to look.
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise Hay
Everyday Examples
Like I mentioned in the beginning, these behaviors run deep so they can be hard to recognize and connect it to something that has to do with self esteem, but they absolutely have to do with self esteem.
You might laugh at this example at first, and that’s ok because I think it will help you see the connection.
Have you ever found yourself out shopping, maybe you are looking for a new dress. You ask your husband or your girlfriend who is shopping with you what they think, or you find yourself needing to send pictures to them asking their opinion.
You find yourself a little stuck being able to just make your own decision on the dress and it is SO frustrating!
Well my friend, you are stuck because you are struggling to have the confidence in decision making which is tied often to the need for others approval. Their opinion will help to to convince you of the decision you want to make. You are uncomfortable to just make the dang decision because what if it is wrong, what if it isn’t the best etc. etc.
Once you overcome this, you are going to get actual time back in your day because you will find yourself beign able to just decide something and go!
Improving Your Self Esteem
All of this might sound super easy to learn, and technically it is.
Application is the part that can be a bit trickier.
Speaking from my own experience, this was easy from an intelligence standpoint- I wasn’t learning to build a spaceship.
But I will admit, it was hard at first to push myself outside of my comfort zone and the level of openness that is part of growing past this junk holding you back.
Above all else, I hope you just caught on to what I am saying:
You will be uncomfortable.
It will be worth it.
You will not be alone- I am here and I am cheering you on!
Low Self Esteem Symptoms: A Series of Challenges
Ok, so now that you can identify the symptoms, I want to help you learn how you can jump over them and never look back.
Below you will find different 6 challenges that are going to help you make the final leap over these low self esteem symptoms lurking in your life.
Challenge 1: Help Someone Else
Something about helping others takes the pressure off. Self-absorption is a major cause of negative thinking.
You might be thinking that is a bit harsh but just think about it for a minute.
The more we are lost in our own woes and worries (aka absorbed in ourselves), do you feel better? Or do you find this just adds to the overthinking, critical, doubtful feelings you are experiencing?
Your challenge is to start doing something nice for someone every day.
It can be something as small as opening the door for someone, sending a handwritten note to a friend or buying a stranger a coffee.
Donate clothes to the homeless shelter, tell your husband you’ll put the kids down so he can go have extra time to himself or mow your neighbor’s lawn.
The point isn’t so much about the thing (or the size of the thing) but building up a generous spirit focused on others, and less on yourself.
Challenge 2: 54321… Blast Off!
Watch this video by Mel Robbins and then instantly start applying her 54321 method.
I don’t want to give all the details of the video away, but I am a firm believer that success breeds success and this method will help you start making decisions, punch self-doubt in the face and help you see that being afraid to take risks is just a short 54321 away from getting the things you desire.
Build your confidence up and watch as low self esteem symptoms melt away!
Challenge 3: Daily Affirmations
Affirmations are something I never thought I would do, let a lone see the value in. Happy to report that I was in fact wrong. Affirmations are positive statements that you say to yourself. Have you ever tried them before?
I like to pick my affirmation around a specific thing that has been troubling me. Here are a few affirmations that I have used:
–I am the best wife and Mom I said repeatedly when I went back to work after maternity leave. I needed the positive reinforcement that I was still the best wife and mom even though I was away from my kids during the day.
-I am so happy and grateful now that I have enough time get the things I need to get done each day I use when I feel overwhelmed and find myself saying “I don’t have time”. This affirmation reminds me I DO have the time everyday to do the important things, and it is up to ME to determine the things most important to me.
-I am enough is short and simple, however it does the trick for those moments where you let doubt creep in.
Of course, there are plenty of other affirmations out there too! I suggest you start with 1 or 2 affirmations that are specific to a problem or feeling you are facing.
Then I want you to pick one of the following (or all of them!): Write it on your mirror, say it out loud when you are driving or write it down and keep it in your purse.
Staying consistent is a huge piece with affirmations being a successful strategy.
Challenge 4: Journal Yourself to Proof
This is a super good challenge, I totally made it up myself and if I had one wish, I would wish that every single woman on this plant would take the time to do it.
If you have ever been critical of yourself, I want you to start journaling yourself to proof.
When you find yourself feeling like this, take a journal out and write how you are feeling at the top of the page.
Below that I want you to write why you are what you say you are.
For instance, “I feel like a failure” goes at the top and then below you need to write out why you really think that about yourself.
After that, I want you to write why you are not what you say you are… Defend your position!
9 times out of 10, you will not be able to journal yourself into proof.
And that is the exact point of this all.
Then stare at the words on the page, see how freaking awesome you really are, chalk it up to being overly tired and go to bed with a positive feeling instead of a negative one.
To learn more about how to grow your relationship with yourself and with God this year, sign up for Where You and God Connect, a faith based, personal growth mini-series.
What if I DO Journal Myself To Proof?
Firstly, if you did journal yourself to proof don’t feel bad about it.
Secondly, this is actually a positive thing because now you have brought to light something you would not have otherwise. As I said earlier:
You can’t fix something you don’t understand.
You can’t understand something you don’t recognize.
You can’t recognize something if you don’t know where to look.
As a result, you can actually start to change this now. Start implementing these elements from my personal development plan around it.
Lastly, I want you to give yourself a dang pat on the back. you are on your way to breaking yourself from something that was hidden and holding you back.
And now, it won’t hold you back anymore.
Challenge 5: Just say No
Learning to set boundaries is an entire journey on its own but you know your situation best and only you can make the call if having no or limited boundaries with certain people is impacting your ability to overcome these low self esteem symptoms.
I hope you take the time to be honest with yourself and your situation so you can set up the personal boundaries that are needed to get you to feeling like your best self again.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
The more you set boundaries and stick to them, the stronger you will feel and the more control over your life you will start to feel.
And those my friends are very powerful feelings.
Challenge 6: Pray About It
As we’ve talked about today, our feelings of feeling less than can shine through by way overthinking, a critical inner dialogue, self-doubt and fear of risk/failure.
God designed you with none of those things in mind.
The devil’s language is lies.
And these low self esteem symptoms are lies.
So now that you have seen the connection between low self esteem and the symptoms that are not talked about as much, pray about them- specifically hand of these burdens and let God be your source of confidence and positive image.
Low Self Esteem Symptoms No More!
By now, I hope you see how you can pack up your bags and move out of low-self-esteem-ville.
Take what you have learned here, apply the challenges and keep on growing yourself into the person you are designed to be.
Growth mindset doesn’t happen overnight, I wish it did, but it just doesn’t.
You can however start adding to your new growth mindset each day by joining our free faith based, personal development mini-series where you will not only grow and strengthen your relationship with God but in doing so, you will grow and strengthen your relationship with yourself.
